Sunday, February 12, 2012


I am writing this having just put down the crayon that I was creating a picture with. A picture through which I attempted (half-heartedly) to conceptualise my thoughts on Valentines Day. Imagine a black heart with icicles stabbing it, and a beautiful pool of blood at the bottom. That's what my picture (aimed) to look like.

"Why do you hate Valentine's Day so much?" you're probably thinking to yourself. "I bet it's because she's a single loser who has never had a Valentine and loves to feel sorry for herself and wallow in her aloneness. Omg lolz rofl lmfaoo brah wot a loser!". Well my friend, I have some news for you.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAVE HAD SOME VALENTINES IN THE SEVENTEEN (ALMOST EIGHTEEN) YEARS OF MY LIFE! I present to you the most memorable of my Valentines Day experiences (which I'll admit are limited in number, but awesome all the same).

1. My first Valentine was when I was nine years old, and a boy in my class slipped a note in my bag saying 'I know you hate me but I don't'. To this day I am still trying to decode the meaning of that's cute nevertheless!

2. At the end of primary school I 'broke up' with my 'boy friend' so I could 'meet new guys at high school' (insert gasp). On Valentines Day 2006 I was standing with my friends waiting for my train (thinking I was too cool for school with my awesome Roxy bag and Diva headband), and that same guy...or should I say boy...ran up to me with a paper bag full of frangipanies that he had handpicked from his garden and a block of dark chocolate (my favourite). Even though I didn't 'like' him anymore, I couldn't deny the cuteness of his gesture!

Now that I'm nearly 18 my feelings towards Valentines Day have completely flipped...flipped almost as much as that cruise ship near Italy did a few weeks ago. I've adopted an attitude that most would associate with an 74 year old Russian who lives alone in the outskirts of Moscow with almost as many cats as the years she has walked this Earth, and has vodka with her cornflakes for breakfast instead of milk. I present to you...a one off Chloe Valentines Day themed special...THE BENEFITS OF BEING FOREVER ALONE! Click here for the official article song to listen to whilst reading this post.

Ultimately Valentines Day is a (highly commercial) 'Single's Awareness Day'. I'm sure that even people in cute and cuddly relationships can agree with that. To be frank, Valentine's Day is:
A) To rub in single people's faces that they're alone
B) For couples whose romance has 'died down' to rekindle said romance.
C) A commercial holiday whereby businesses make lots of extra cash (Whether it be a candle lit dinner for two or an impersonal "Happy Valentines Day to the best girlfriend in the world" card from Hallmark). I love romance, but romance in a relationship is certainly not limited to Valentines Day, and at risk of sounding a little commy, is thus purely a capitalist creation!
D) All of the above

I turned to my siblings for words of wisdom. Phoebe said "If Valentines Day was a person, I would most definitely NOT be friends with it". Kudos to Phoebe (Let's ignore the fact that we're twins and thus share many of the same opinions). My little brother Christopher said "I don't care about Valentine's Day. Go away". Minus the "go-away" part, I was definitely proud to be his sister. His comment got me thinking... Why do us single people care about Valentines Day so much? Instead of wallowing at our aloneness...shouldn't we be celebrating? You're in a relationship with yourself, and if you're a pretty awesome person...THEN LIFE IS SWEET!

At risk of sounding like a single teenage girl in are the official REASONS AS TO WHY SINGLE PEOPLE ON VALENTINES DAY SHOULD BE CELEBRATING!
1. You can perve on whoever you want and not get in trouble for it. I'm talking about that random guy sitting two seats in front of you on the bus who looks sexy chewing his gum and who listens to Queen and occasionally Daft Punk. I'm talking about that hottie who plays the sexy evil vampire on your favourite TV show...That cute waiter who'd you'd like to 'order' more than a sandwich...Other people's boyfriends (Did I just say that? Woops.)

2. If you ever bumped into your favourite celebrity THERE IS NOTHING HOLDING YOU BACK! Imagine if you were in a relationship had a chance meeting with Francisco Lachowski and he asked you out on a date. YOU COULD GO!

3. You can flirt with whoever you want whenever you want. May I add that sometimes you can utilise flirtation to your advantage-I have a friend who flirts with a barrista, not intending to ever date him, but purely just she knows he'll give her a free coffee if he thinks he has a chance. Call it unethical, but it's wisdom at its finest, my friends. 

4. You can be the cool single friend. Enough said.

5. You can do WHAT YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT. When you're in a relationship with yourself you never have to ask for permission to do anything! "I feel like flying to Jamacia for sixteen days. Oh waaaiiitt I should text [insert name of boyfriend/girlfriend] and let them know..LOL THEY DON'T EXIST AND I'M CATCHING THE NEXT PLANE OUTTA HERE BABYYYY". Initiate the elimination of the word 'permission' out of your vocabulary!

6. You are never jealous when you're in a relationship with yourself. No worriez brah.

7. You can eat what you want when you want. You don't need to look good for are yourself (that made sense in my head!)! Best 'forever alone and loving it' dessert is without a doubt a tub of Neopolitan icecream with a moat dug around the outside filled with Pepsi. Thank me later.

8. You can sing All By Myself and MEAN IT! HOW COOL IS THAT! Makes karaoke that little more fun!

9. You save phone credit. That'd the deal closer for me. Oh, and you also save money on birthday presents/Christmas presents/Valentines Day gifts! Spend that money on a mani/pedi, life size cut out of George Clooney, Lindt Chilli chocolate, a hitman, Angry Bird slippers or whatever floats your boat!

So there you have it folks, THE BENEFITS OF BEING FOREVER ALONE! We need to have a better life anyway, because research has proven that married people live longer...SO LET'S GET PARTYING (I.e. belting out Adele's 'Someone Like You' at the top of our lungs)! Ok, so perhaps I am a single teenage girl in denial...hopefully next year I won't be so cynical!