Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The train series Part 1: Next stop DOOM

Ok so to put it bluntly, I nearly died on the train today. Death by squishing. Allow me to explain.
Today at approximately 3.37 my usual train home pulled in at the glorious Central Station (now I think about it, maybe 'glorious' isn't the right term to accurately describe Central about 'filthy'?). With my MX newspaper in my hand (which is my source of entertainment for the train rides home), I bolted through the doors as they opened, beating all the adults to the empty seats (you may be thinking HOW RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE, however, I have decided that as a determined young woman I need to rest my legs/muscles for them to grow properly...).

So I was sitting in my seat, reading my MX, about to leave Redfern Station when the ground began to shudder. I looked around to see where the noise was coming from, to see the most OBSCENELY OBESE person I have ever seen in my entire life (and boy have I seen plenty of obese people, I spent 4 months in America). . To my horror a second obscenely obese homosapien followed the first creature down the stairs. The story does not end here, my friends.

I was sitting in a double seat with Phoebe, one of us on each seat facing each other. Once seeing the two women looking at our precious seats and personal space, they began to walk (sorry, wobble) over to us. I began to sweat and made nervous eye contact with Phoebe and the people around us sniggering silently in happiness that they weren't us in this situation. NOW HERE IS WHERE THE STORY BEGINS, MY PEOPLE.

Rather than one person sitting next to Phoebe on her seat and one next to me...wait for it...
THEY SAT DOWN ON EITHER SIDE OF ME. So here was Phoebe sitting by herself on one side of the double seat, and me with TWO OF THE FATTEST PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER LIVE TO SEE ON EITHER SIDE OF ME. I honestly thought that my lungs were going to burst, they were being compressed to such an extreme degree. The fat on their legs was piling onto my skirt so I couldn't move, and I couldn't even continue reading my MX because of the fat of their chests and arms. It was ridiculous.

I am not putting down obese civilians (as maybe their weight is out of their control due to health issues), however I just don't understand why they HAD TO SIT ON EITHER SIDE ON ME when there was a nice, spacious seat situated next to Phoebe.

The End.

P.S My computer STILL won't let me upload photos. I'm building up a large file of pretty photographs for when I lets me to do so once more.